Identity
by Tiana-P
Summary: Everyone wants something to their name. He simply wants a name, full stop. But how can she make him see that he already has both? Established pairing.


**_A/N: My first fic for this show, and of course this pairing, so I hope I don't go too OOC. This is set after season 1 and before season 2, which is when it was written. _**

**_Please R&R. I welcome all comments, good, bad and the ugly. Criticism can only make me better =D_**

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Re-entering her living room from the kitchen, Kensi wasn't sure whether she should smirk at the sight before her, or to sigh dejectedly. Finally, she decided on neither and simply remained naturally neutral. She had became sidetracked with her laptop whilst in the other room, turning the initial 'be right back' into a 25 minute period. Of course, he hadn't seemed to have moved an inch since, still reclined relaxingly on the couch, and she began to wonder whether he had even noticed her prolonged absence.

Biting her bottom lip subtly, she changed her course of action and moved towards the shelves mounted on the wall opposite to where he sat. The three black wood platforms were covered in various things, ranging from books to cut up photos to the odd earring or hair band. It was the place where things went when she was either too tired or fed up to replace it back to where it was meant to be.

It was also the ideal place to hide things that she didn't want him to find. The rest of the house was an open area for him, and Kensi knew that he had more-or-less explored it all. But these shelves were her own, and as much as she would love to believe it was for the respect of her privacy, she knew better. As he had once told her, the reason he stayed away was merely due to the fact that he wasn't particularly interested in anything that she put up there. Therefore, it had become the perfect hiding place for her list.

Pulling out the right book, she opened the front cover and took out the multiple pieces of folded up postcard-sized papers. The book went back to it's place and she nonchalantly made her way over to the couch. Stepping over his legs from where they were propped up upon the coffee table, she took a seat on the other end from him and curled her legs under her as she turned her body to look at him.

"What's that?" Callen spoke first, causing her to smirk. Glancing up from where she was carefully unfolding each piece of paper on her lap, a teasing glint reflected in her eyes as she replied.

"You finally realised I'm here, then?"

"What?" He ask in confusion, causing her to laugh lightly and shake her head.

"I disappeared into the kitchen for about half an hour there. Must have been about half a minute in your head, though." Kensi joked, smoothing out the papers before picking them up to sort them out into the correct order that she had made them.

"Sorry. Just got-"

"-a lot on your mind. I know." She said softly, her light-heartedness turning into concern and sympathy, though she did her best to keep it as mild as possible. If there was one thing that would turn him away from her, it would be pity. "You've had it all on your mind for the past few weeks, G. I- It's not good for you, you know? Thinking constantly about something without anything having changed."

"Not my fault it hasn't." Callen countered sharply. Any other time Kensi would have dropped the matter, but she had heard that edginess many times before over the past weeks to let it affect her.

"Not anyone else's, either." She argued in a tone that would have suggested both disinterest and boredom if it hadn't been a well-rehearsed exchange between him and the rest of them. And as always, it didn't go any further either.

Another silence laid between them as neither tried to change the subject or go where they hadn't gone before and delve more into it. He knew that she would take the former as a way of deflection, and she knew that he would take the latter as a shrink session. Instead, they both stayed quite with only the low sounds of the TV filling the room with the odd scrunching of the papers that she still sorted out.

"Not constantly." He finally said, once again being the one to break them out of the quietness.

"What?" She asked, not even attempting to work out where his statement had came from. She was good at keeping up with people, random as they were, but that was usually when she was working. When at home, she liked to act somewhat normal, although the Agent side of her was never truly switched off.

"I don't think about it constantly. There are... _other_ things that cross my mind. From time to time." Callen explained, mouth tugging up in one corner slyly. If she hadn't known him so well, that was all that she would have needed to get the hint to what he was referring to. Rolling her eyes, she couldn't keep back the half-reluctant half coy smile that adorned her face as she reached out and lightly swatted him on the shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Sure know how to make a girl feel special." Kensi murmured amusingly, eyes still flickering between him and the papers.

"It's a gift." He simply shrugged. Mutely shaking her head, she held out the papers towards him, finally done with the ordering.

"Here." She looked at him expectantly as he raised an eyebrow in question at her. He didn't even bother to accept what she was giving him whilst he nodded towards her hand and repeating the question that he had originally asked.

"What's that?"

"A list." She informed him blankly. Realising that he wasn't going to get more of an answer to his query than that, he slowly took the papers out of her hand. Thumbing through the pile without really seeing what was there, he let out a small low whistle.

"It's a pretty long list, Kenz." He scoffed amusingly.

"There were a lot of things to be put on it, G." She countered, watching as his eyes focused and his whole demeanour become serious when he actually read what it consisted of. "I thought it might help. Get past this. Get past the obsession."

"It's not an obsession." Callen immediately retorted, eyes running hurriedly across the pages as he quickly flipped through them. Kensi watched as his jaw tightened and a small frown pulled at his mouth, knowing that it had more to do with her words than the list.

"You've just been on it for so long that you don't even realise it." She told him matter-of-factly, keeping her tone soft even if her words were forceful.

"Fine." He replied haughtily after a moment's pause, not once looking over at her. "It is an obsession, but I think I'm entitled to it. To my own name."

"You have a name." She argued insistently, shuffling slightly in her seat to sit up a bit more straighter and therefore bringing her just that little bit closer to him.

"No; I have a letter." Callen argued back, dropping the papers into his lap unceremoniously and turning his head to look at her. In his slouching position, he had to tilt it up to be able to look at her dead in her eyes, and when he did, she wasn't surprised to see a spark of anger and frustration in them. And try as she might, though, she couldn't convince herself that it wasn't entirely directly at her.

"It's who you are. That's what a name does; it defines people. And that's who you are." She carried on nevertheless, determined not to let his emotions deter her from her point. It wasn't hard; having a job that forced her to drop her feelings and be someone completely different at a snap of the fingers enabled her to look past what seeing his anger did to her and focus on what had to be said."It's that name that has your past, your reputation, your everything."

"Then what's the point of _this_ exactly, Kensi? If you're so happy with my letter, then why hand me a list of names?" He asked her, words laced with both incredulity and actual interest and confusion as he held up the pile of papers before replacing them with a small '_swoosh_' onto the space between them on the couch.

"Not a list; _the_ list."She corrected him, laying a hand on top of the papers before picking them up with a wry smile.

Letting out a sigh, she averted her eyes to her hands as she folded over the pile on the crease that had been formed from being kept in the book for so long, before folding it once more too and pressing hard with both hands. Tapping it against the palm of her right hand for a few seconds, she resignedly threw it onto the coffee table, watching as it landed less than an inch away from his feet.

"It's practically every name that I could find starting with 'G', you know. It took me _ages_ to put it together. Free time is not something that we have plenty of." She said dryly, a smirk perking up her features to show him that her words were light and not meant to be an accusation. "And it's so you can go through it and realise that none of them sound as right as your name actually does."

"It's not about it sounding right. It's about _me." _Callen sighed. She could practically see the tension in his whole form leave his body as he gave in to opening up just that little bit more to her and relaxed. "I want more than just a letter to my name, you know?" He added with a small shrug and half-smile that helped to lighten their situation.

"You have way more than just a letter." She replied, hoping that he understood everything that she wanted to say, that was hidden under and in between what she _had_ said because she honestly had no way of knowing how to actually word it.

There was another pause in which the silence hung between then in a somewhat comfortable atmosphere. Kensi could feel his eyes start to burn into the side of her head as she slowly turned hers towards the TV, finally realising that on played a rather funny episode of _The Simpsons_. Even with the sound turned down low, she was able to just about make out what it was that was happening and being said, momentarily stealing all of her attention. It was only when she saw him prop an elbow onto the armrest before resting his head against his hand did she start to return back to reality and feel slightly self-conscious.

"What?" She asked without averting her eyes away from the screen. Callen mutely shook his head and reached out his free arm towards her, shifting it between her waist and the back of the couch. Pulling gently, he got her to work with him as she shuffled closer to him until she was able to rest against him and his hand could slid down from her back to her leg.

"Thank you." He eventually said, his eyes finding hers. Everything about him was serious as he said it and she knew that he wasn't referring to their contact.

"Anytime." She told him, laying a hand onto the shoulder that she leant against. Pausing, she took a small breath before carrying on. "Regardless, I'm still gonna help you find out the truth, but whether we find it or not, it won't change anything."

"No? Not even if we find it something really horrible, like..." He trailed off as he tried to think of something, turning to face away from her as he did so. "Like I'm from a family of axe murderers?"

"You think that would put _me_ off?" Kensi scoffed, bringing an amused smile out on his face."Besides, you're looking at it all wrong." She carried on in a cool tone and a dramatic nonchalant demeanour."You could be from a family of very old money. Perhaps even royal blood."

"I guess stranger things have happened." He replied with a suggestive tone that, teamed with the way he eyed her up and down before looking away again, made her push herself away from him in slight shock.

"Was that-? Were you _hinting _to something there?" She questioned disbelievingly, blinking at him as she waited for his answer. Instead, she got what she should have predicted; a mimicked look of incredulity before turning into a hint of a smirk.

"Would I do that?" He shot back, words more sarcastic than heartfelt. Knowing that it was a rhetorical question, or at least should be treated as one, she let it slide with a shove before moving back to curl up next to him. Laying her head softly on the edge of his shoulder, she allowed a moment for their change of tension to acclimatize. With the arm around her waist, Callen pulled her tighter against him as she slid her hand onto the one on her leg. She waited a few more seconds, peeking over at him to see that he was back in the world that she had dragged him out of if the tightness in his face was anything to go by.

Inhaling deeply and averting her eyes back to the TV, she didn't budge when she felt him move, nor when he turned his head towards her to brush his lips against her forehead. She could tell he was trying to catch her eye so she glanced up only for the slightest of seconds before returning her sight to the entertaining box ahead of her.

"I know." He simply said in reply to the words that she never said. At least, not out loud. Exhaling, she nodded and gently squeezed his hand before speaking.

"But seriously; do you get what I'm trying to say?" Kensi replied in a voice filled with both understanding for why he thought about what he did so much, and exasperation for him not listening to her.

"Loud and clear." He assured her, adding a nod to the dramatically serious tone to emphasize his words. Looking up at him for a few seconds once again, she couldn't help but to smile as she saw one grow upon his own face.

"Why do I get the feeling that it's not going to change a thing?"

"Because you know me too well." Callen insisted coolly, turning back to the TV like her.

"At least I can say I tried." Kensi lamented with a small shrug and a sigh that seemed to rinse the rest of the tension out of her body and allow her to relax completely at last.

"It worked. I mean, no, actually, it didn't." He corrected himself abruptly, earning himself a disbelieving scoff as he did so. "But if I weren't so-"

"-stubborn? Arrogant?" She listed sarcastically as she cut him off, smiling sweetly at the wry smirk he sent her.

"_Determined._" He informed her. She nodded in mock seriousness before letting it fade to a calm demeanour as he carried on."If I wasn't so determined, it would have worked. If I hadn't been searching for answers for the past 20 years or so..."

He trailed off with the slightest of shrugs that she wasn't sure she had felt it or not. Biting her bottom lip, she nodded; this time being as earnest as she could be. Knowing that there was honestly nothing else that she could say or argue without either contradicting herself or starting a full-blown fight, she just remained quiet.

Unsure whether he had drifted back to his thoughts again, due to his features being schooled in a perfectly smoothed and unaffected way, Kensi was curious when he suddenly moved a little while later. It was a small movement; bending a leg from where it had been resting on her coffee-table to gently prod at the wad of paper that she had thrown next to him. She hadn't even known that his attention had drifted, but she was kind of glad that it was to something there and then.

"So..." Callen began softly and teasingly. "Which one of these is your favourite?"

"Honestly?" She asked in reply, keeping her eyes at where the papers laid until he rested his foot on the edge of the table and thus blocking her view.

"Yeah."

"Cannot stand a single one of them." She told him straightforwardly, patting his hand as she did so.

"What?" Dropping the arm that he had been resting his head again, he leaned away from her enough so that he could throw her an incredulous look. "You being serious?"

"Yep."

"Ok..." He drew out, raising a single eyebrow in a way that she knew meant that he needed to know more before he even started to believe her. The distrust would have stung if she knew that wouldn't be the same in reversed situations.

"It's like..." She tried to explain, trailing off when she failed to come up with anything on the spot. Backing away slightly herself, Kensi did her best to describe what it was that had put her off all the names that she had researched and written out. "Like what happens when you use a word too often. It just loses all meaning and it get bored of it, right?" Her tone, which had perked up a bit as she completed her sentence, mellowed out into one of confusion when she saw the blank look on his face. "Really? That's never happened to you?"

"Never knew it happened to anyone." Callen admitted, silently laughing at her shock.

"It happens." She insisted, huffing when he threw his free hand up in surrender. "Anyway, it's like that. I've been through them so many times, they're nothing but letters on the paper now."

"I see." He mumble, knowing that her words, specifically the plural of 'letter', weren't random. Feigning interest back at the TV, he turned to set his eyes upon it once again. However, this time, she didn't drop the subject and somehow, he wasn't too surprised nor angered by it.

"Things like that don't happen with a single letter." She commented, hinting heavily exactly what he had been expecting her to say; what she had been saying from the beginning.

"Point made and taken." He told her, almost exasperatedly, with a nod of finality that also translated into a sign of a truce for the argument.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Callen assured her, and she returned the nod. The single word managed to dissipate any tension that had lingered from their conversation, allowing them to both finally enjoy each other's company. The thought made him wonder, as he toed the folded pile of paper once again, whether he could have avoided the whole thing had he just accepted what she had handed him and looked at it gracefully. Then again, he thought with an internal scoff, that wasn't like him and she knew that. He was pretty sure she had been prepared, and probably hoping, for his reaction.

"You better treasure that." She said, jerking her head towards the item on the table and bringing him back to reality.

"I'll put it with the rest of my treasured things." He retorted with a smirk; the words only half sarcastic and earning him a light punch to the leg. "Ow! This is not what I imagined we would be doing tonight when you _insisted_ on wanting a quiet night in, Kensi."

"It's quiet, night-time and we're inside." She stated slowly, a teasing smile playing around her mouth that she managed to hold back as good as she could. "Fits the criteria, I'd say."

"You know where else would fit that criteria?" He asked her in a whisper. Kensi's questioning look made him avert his eyes away from her to the side where a hallways led to the room he couldn't currently see, but they both knew he was talking about.

"But I'm not sleepy." She replied with a dramatic sigh.

"And who said anything about sleeping?" He grinned at her slyly before switching the TV off and pushing himself off the couch. A low groan left her throat as he moved, and therefore, caused her to do so too. Glaring half-heartedly, she accepted his help to pull her up to stand before him.

Opening her mouth to tell him how making assumptions is not a good thing, she barely got to even think about the first word when he silenced her with a short, chaste kiss. It was amazing how something so simple could stir up something so strong inside of her. Once he broke away, she looked at him to see slight concern, and amusement, play on his face.

"Sorry. Were you going to say something?" Callen asked her mischievously.

"Oh, shut up." She sneered, before smiling wryly. His laughing response made her shove him away gently, and he retaliated by tugging her along with him. He didn't get far, however, as she stood rooted in her spot; pulling him back to a halt when he only managed to take a single step. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Not sure what she was talking about, he merely shook his head. Her non-committal response was to roll her eyes and point towards the coffee table where he had left the list. With a sigh, he let go of her hand and walked over to it to pick it up before carrying on to where he had originally been heading.

Kensi followed him towards her bedroom, curious to what he was going to do with the list. Although she had asked him to treasure it, she was pretty sure he knew that she had been kidding. A bit, at least. But as she entered the room, she watched as he pulled open on of the chest drawers and take out the small box that he used to keep approximately, the last time she had sneaked a peek, 5 items.

Her medial list joined the likes of the only photo he actually had and kept without another word as he replaced the box back into the drawer and closed it. He look over at her with no hint of regret nor nostalgia, but instead that smile that she had seen only moments beforehand.

"Happy?" Callen asked her as she shut the door behind her and approached him.

"Ecstatic." She insisted, smirking and resting her hands at his waist. "Now, where were we?"


End file.
